The O Games
by cherieblossum
Summary: Did you know that there are 150,000 condoms in the athlete's village? There are even bets that they are going to run out. I happen to know that they will, because Edward Cullen and I are going to use every single one.
1. Let The Games Begin

**A/N: **So duckynoel text me when the Opening Ceremonies started tonight (well last night now) and said she wanted to read an Olympic fic. Stupidly I agreed to write one. The plan is to update everyday for the next 17 days. It could be 2 words in a chapter or 10,000 (-ya right, it will never be 10,000). Duckynoel is my beta/pre-reader and we are doing this quickly late at night so don't crucify us for some grammar crap yo. Also, I've only attended an Olympics, never volunteered or competed so it's all completely made up and not factual. Ps. none of these characters are mine, just borrowed for 17 days.

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Holy. Freakin'. Crap.

It is time. They've all arrived, the rings have been hung, the medals polished and most importantly the condom dispensers stocked.

Did you know that there are 150,000 condoms in the athlete's village? There are even bets that they are going to run out. I happen to know that they will, because Edward Cullen and I are going to use every single one.

Who is Edward Cullen you ask? Well first, shame on you for not knowing, he's only the best and hottest swimmer ever. If you Wiki him you will find out that he is 27, from New York and has six Olympic medals; one for each of his delicious abs that I intend to lick in their entirety.

I suppose I should tell you that I haven't ever met Edward Cullen…yet. I fully intend to, and when we do the gods of Olympus will be shining down on us as we give into our inevitable lust and I will give him my virginity. The intense preparation and strategy sessions that I, Bella Swan, have undergone to prepare for this moment are extensive.

My plan began over a year ago. Yes, a whole year! We are talking a double-0-seven, covert special ops type of operation here. I have lived with my dad in a small town in Washington state since I can remember, spending the odd week here and there with my mother in whatever country she had set herself up in for the time being.

Luck should have it that my mother actually settled down in London England with her new husband three years ago. This new husband Phil, happened to be head of the planning committee for the London 2012 Olympics. That is when I knew the gods approved of my deflowering plan and were aligning the starts in perfection.

So after celebrating my 18th birthday, I transferred in my last year of high school to a school in London, and selflessly agreed to become a volunteer for the Games of the thirtieth Olympiad. That is when I really got down to business, securing the very best volunteer positions and becoming a woman of action. Unfortunately, there is no Olympic Speedo putter-on assistant, or Olympic bed turner downer, or even personal condom hander-outer. Believe me, I proposed each one to my step-daddikins and each was unjustly turned down.

I have however, scored one hell of a schedule. Of course getting assigned to all swimming events was a must, as well as assignments to the athlete's village after the swimming events are over and even a stellar role in the Opening Ceremonies.

At first the stupid choreographer guy wanted me as some pilgrim type, dirt smudged, frumpy clothes wearing, iron worker person. Gross and so never happening. I righted that quick. I informed him that I would look great in the black and gold track suit strutting around lighting flames and shit but they decided to go in a different direction for that job. I was also immediately shut down when I offered to carry the US flag…apparently there are specific requirements for that position.

Instead, I get to carry the sign for the United States. Yeah it's a little uncomfortable and awkward to hold this sign, and the dress isn't as form fitted as I would like, but I do get a prime spot hanging out with the athletes before the parade and get some prime camera time on NBC. This is paramount as Edward isn't going to be at the ceremonies. He competes tomorrow and needs to be on top of his game if he's going to beat that evil Jacob Black. Well I guess evil is an unfair description. Apparently they are friends but trust me, Jacob Black is way over rated. So what if he won more Gold medals in a single Games than anyone else, big deal, he barely won that last gold in Beijing, just luck I tell you. Unlike my man EC who is all talent.

As we all gather waiting for the parade to start I decide to make friends with any swimmers I can find. We bond over discussions of team outfits, I mean seriously Czech Republic, rubber boots? Give me a break. I bet you showed up in Vancouver two years ago wearing parkas. Debating who the biggest fash-hole in this room is could go on for weeks, but suddenly we are being shuffled into our starting positions and making are way towards the entrance of the Olympic Stadium.

Hearing the roar of the audience excites me and I place a mega-watt smile across my face and step into the light. I repeat a mantra to myself; walk carefully and sway my hips slightly to portray a sexy sign holder and get my subversive message of sex across the screen and into the eyes of my Speedoward.

The dignitaries are seated to our right. I give a nod of what's up to Michelle Obama as we pass her and then search for her Majesty the Queen. When I was younger I was convinced that she would be my future grandmother-in-law, but alas I have moved on to bigger and better and tighter and swoonier things. Which right now seems like it was a great plan because that lady looks pissed. She's at the biggest party on the planet and she's checking out a hang-nail while the geezer next to her has fallen asleep. Lame.

We get through all the boring ass speeches. I try to pay attention to Phil when he is talking because I know my mom will want to dissect it later but he's so mono-tone I think the Queen has joined her neighbour in that quick catnap.

A flag is raised, a flame is lit, and we all cheer and now can blow this pop-stand. A couple other volunteer girls and I are going to go party it up in the village thanks to my all access pass from Phil. Tomorrow, Edward wins his first gold of these games and I will have my first face to face encounter with him. That fireworks display tonight will have nothing on us.


	2. Licking Medals

That bitch!

I'ma push her skinny little Aussie ass into that pool and send her back down under.

I woke up at seven this morning and began my daily ritual of scanning all online sources for any new articles on my man. Most of it is the same old shizzle – I have been expanding my vocabularly to include various phrases that Edward may use. He's big into that whole rap/thug type of thing. I mean the man wears grills…which is soooo cool!

Anyway, back to the news. I'm so sure that Eddie and that skank Ali shared a coveted underwater touch, throw up in my mouth.

Glancing at the clock I realize we need to get our boot-tays in gear. Rose practically crawls out of her room looking like hell. I told her not to drink that third cocktail. Myself, I didn't drink anything but water, I need to bring my A-game which means keeping hydrated and not dancing half naked on tables and allowing the creepy Brazilian swimmer to tie rubbers in my hair.

_Cough, cough_. "Erm, you still have a few condoms in the back there," I politely tell Rose, gently grabbing her shoulder to turn her and straighten her hair up.

"I feel like ass, how are you up and dressed already?" Her voice is raspier than usual as she searches for the coffee.

"Are you kidding? It's the big day!" I squeal slightly and begin to hop up and down when I notice Rose's eyes sharpen towards me and give me one stern shake of her head. I stop.

She sits down with her coffee, "What are you going to do, jump on him in the dressing room?"

"No, not _the_ big day, the big race day. Cullen versus Black; it's the race that has been pimped out by every news outlet for weeks now. I'm off, have fun at beach volley-ball." I grab my bag and make my way out to the street.

Rose, whose dad is also on the organizing committee with Phil and happens to be some Lord or Knight or Member of the Ministry of Magic, whatever, she's my roommate. We have a kick ass apartment directly across from the athlete's village. She is the only one who knows every detail of my plan and has helped fine tune it and essentially has agreed to be my wing girl.

Today is my first day at the pool. I have secured the best volunteer position, I take care of the call room for the heats in the morning, and for the finals tonight I get to be a medal girl. This means of course I will be carrying Edward's gold medal before it's placed around his beautiful neck.

After getting through the nightmare that is security – I'm so sure my master plan involves taking the athletes hostage with my nail file, give me a break security dude – I walk down the long hallway toward the call room where swimmers wait before making their way out to the pool. Before I get to my door, I am almost trampled by some huge man in a hot pink polo shirt.

Jumping to the side I get a glance inside the room he came out of, the massage room. I repeat the freaking massage room! I try to catch a peek of some naked thighs, abs or other appendages but alas not an unclothed god in sight. And yes, I did apply for the massage job and you have to have qualifications for that position too, rolls eyes.

There are no swimmers in the call room yet either. I take a glance in the mirror to make sure I look as good as possible in this volunteer get-up they force us to wear. The door swings open and in walks my destiny. The plan is not to talk to him today, he's focused and I don't want to be that girl who distracts him. Distraction of course does not include my super tiny booty shorts that give him a great look at my toned thighs – which may or may not have a small bruise on the inner thigh due to an unfortunate mishap with the thigh toner I found in my mom's closet last week. I make sure I walk past him often while he sits in the chair. His eyes are right at my prime thighs meet ass level.

The swimmers are called to line up just as I bend over right in front of Edward to pick up my security pass that I 'accidently' dropped. He is in a zone and stands up not realizing I'm right in front of him…and we have contact. And holy hell if that's him not 'excited', I need to start a calisthenics routine for more than my thighs if we are going to get everything to fit.

"Sorry, excuse me." He places his hands on my hips and gives me his infamous crooked grin.

"That's okay," I assure him with a perfect amount of eye lash batting.

He leaves his jacket on the chair and lines up. I can still feel the tingling feeling he's left on my hips and inadvertently in my girlie parts. I'm pretty sure I'm the wettest person in the building and I'm not even in the pool.

I quickly gather up all the swimmers clothing they have left behind and move it to their assigned spots in the dressing area. My daze from the encounter with Edward almost makes me oblivious to the fact that I have Edward Cullen's warm-up jacket in my hot little hands. I sigh, and place it in its spot, but not before I glance around to make sure no one is looking and lick the collar of the jacket. Come on, it touched his freaking neck.

Shaking my head out of my stupor, I run out to the pool area just in time to see his heat start. He doesn't win but his time is good and he has set himself up for a great lane for the finals.

The rest of the day passes so slowly as I wait for seven thirty pm and the race of Edward Cullen's life.

At approximately seven pm I go to the volunteer room to change into my medal presenting dress; A dress which I obviously had no input in the design. London, I know you have great designers, I see that princess of yours prancing around in them all the time, but no I get a frumpy purple dress right out of the eighties with a fashionable yellow chiffon scarf at the waist. Gag.

This is not what I imagined I would be wearing as I cheered Edward onto victory. The race is intense but Edward pulls away after the second lap and never looks back. Gold is his, leaving Jacob Black in the dust, or water as the case may be. I'm so giddy I almost forget I have to go back stage to get the medals and possibly lick the gold one.

The medal ceremony is divine and Edward looks phenomenal in his neon green sneakers. I lead the swimmers around the pool for their so-called victory lap. Of course Edward is beyond sweet and tosses his bouquet of flowers to his mom, and of course I realize it would be wrong of me to leap in front of her and grab them for myself. So I don't. I do however trip the other purple frumpy frock wearing medal chick for pushing Edward along when he poses too long for the press cameras. No bitch touches my man or deprives him of his deserved fame.

Races are done and I'm back in my street clothes excited to get home and tell Rose all about my eventful day. I can't even imagine what tomorrow has in store for me.


	3. Jelly Beans and Communists

**A/N: **I never said they would be long. Duckynoel pre read. Characters are not mine.

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If I have to hear the theme to Austin Powers one more fucking time I'm going to strangle one of these pixie gymnast tarts with their own leotard.

My prospective day at the pool was swiftly halted when one of the gymnastics volunteers got sick. Due to my all access security clearance I can be moved between events. Luckily my iPhone is with me at all times so I can keep an eye on every move that Edward Cullen makes. Genius I tell you, the person who came up with the 'Where in the World Is Edward Cullen' app. Erm, what I mean is, how disgusting to invade a man's privacy like that, inviting the crazies to stalk him.

Oh, it's time to move. This is what my morning consists of. I hold a pole with a sign on it displaying the country that I'm with. I walk in front of them and then sit while they go flitter around with a few kicks and spins and we are on to the next area.

I spend my time re-watching the Edward Cullen press conference. Gah! My favourite part is when his cell phone goes off in the middle. WE SHARE THE SAME RING TONE! Of course we do, we are soul mates. I laugh out loud when he says his ring tone is 'little Wayne', he's such a kidder. The Russian gymnast seated to my right however doesn't have such a great sense of humour judging by the chilly stare down I am currently enduring after my outburst. Simmer down my commie friend, the cold war ended like twenty years ago.

Finally after this rotation, my replacement volunteer shows up. I quickly run out to catch a bus and make my way back to the Athlete's village for lunch. One of the key points in the plan is familiarity, so that when I bring out the big guns he won't be caught off guard.

On the bus I begin to filter through the media reports. I still can't believe that Olympic official wouldn't let Edward wear his custom US flag grill. You have two morons prancing around as Cyclops creeper mascots but yes, a patriotic grill would be out of line.

The bus pulls up outside of the village and I flash my security pass to get into the screening area. I know that I am in time to make it to the cafeteria for when Edward will be having lunch. I grab my bag of jelly beans – my 5th bag of the day, I freakin' love jelly beans. I have prepared many bags of only blue, red and white ones to showcase my support of Edward and his Olympic journey.

Now where to sit is the question. Do I sit right beside Edward if there is a seat or do I just make sure I am in his eye line? There is an extra seat just two down and across at Edwards table that would be perfect. I saunter over to take the desired seat but freeze when I realize who I will be sitting beside. I wasn't planning on activating this phase of the plan quite yet but I guess that is what the Olympics are about, adjustments and overcoming unexpected circumstance. I place a subtle yet sexy smile on my face as I sit down next to my ex-boyfriend, Jacob Black.


	4. Six Degrees of Kissing

**A/N: **All previous author's notes apply

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I can't decipher if the look on Jacob Black's face contains more surprise or delight as he realizes who is taking the seat beside him.

"Izzy!" He exclaims leaning toward me.

I place my hand on his shoulder, give a light shove and through my gritted teeth whisper "Ugh! Don't call me that, I've told you that like eleventy billion times!"

"Whatever you say…Izzy!" He punctuates this by attempting to steal a jellybean. I slap his hand.

Annoying. That is the first word that comes to mind when anyone mentions Jacob Black. I met Jacob Black when I was three years old. His dad is from the same town as my dad. Jacob lives with his mom but whenever he would visit, he would be forced to babysit me. Yup, dude is old enough to babysit me.

He came around less and less as swimming became more important to him. When I was sixteen I guess he didn't see me as the little kid he was forced to watch over anymore. Me, I still liked to pretend he was my babysitter, it turned me on, and it pissed him off. Win, win.

"Babe, what are you doing here?" Gross. I shrug out of the arm he has slung across my back.

"Just like Izzy, babe is also off limits; as well as any other pet name you can come up with." I need him to put his game face on if this is going to work out the way that I want it to. I don't really have any serious animosity towards him, it's just he sometimes gets in Edwards way in the pool and I am nothing if not loyal to my man.

"Listen up. I need you to act like we are just acquaintances…old friends maybe, but not, I repeat, NOT former lovers." I tell him sharply. The last thing I need is him staking some sort of possessive claim on me and scaring Edward off.

Jacob lets out a loud bark of a laugh. "Lovers Isabella? Really, I don't even think we even got to second base."

Hello? Please, like I would give Jacob Black my V-card. It was sordid given our age difference and his abuse of authority – a fact I liked to remind him of continually – but I suppose he's right, it wasn't a love affair. It was more of a like affair, which I was now one hundred percent over.

"Exactly, so you shouldn't have a problem with this should you? Now introduce me to your teammate sitting over there." Shifting my eyes, I make a pointed look in Edward's direction.

"Oh good lord, really Izzy? I should have known the second I saw you at the pool last week that you had an agenda. Always manipulating something, aren't you Izzy?"

Rolling my eyes, I nudge his shoulder to make him get on with it.

"Yo, hey Edward," Jake says in a bored and not loud enough voice in my opinion.

Then in a glorious fashion, Edward lifts his head. His tousled copper hair still wet from the heats this morning, falls in front of his left eye. Dripping from his mouth is a drop of Gatorade that I am more than willing to catch, with my tongue. He nods to Jacob and raises his eyebrows with what I think is an agitated look on his face. Yeah, I get it Edward, you and me both. I mentally stick my tongue out at Jake.

"This is Iz…" Jake starts.

And I stop it! "Bella!" I practically yell, adding a sweet smile at the end.

"Yeah, Hey. From yesterday right?" His fist reaches out toward me. His freakin' perfectly formed fist, with a dark freckle on the 4th finger, is reaching toward me and awaiting my, yes me me me, my fist to bump it.

I do.

And it's perfect.

Probably the best fist bump he's ever had.

And he remembered me. I mean of course he remembered me. He was probably hard the whole race yesterday after running into my ass.

"Well, I'm out. See you at the pool." Edward gets up and walks out of the cafeteria.

See, he's excited to see me later, just like I thought. He wants me.

I sigh and rest the backside of my fingers, the ones that touched Edward, against my lips so it's like six degrees of kissing. Reaching down to grab some jellybeans, I realize the distraction of Edward's beauty left my patriotic beans unguarded and suspiciously Jake the Snake's cheeks are bulging as he chews with his mouth open. Ew.

"Oh Izzy, you are going to get yourself in a whole heap of trouble aren't you?" A jelly bean pops out of his mouth and leaves a streak of red guck as it bounces across the table.

"You just stay out of my way Jacob Black or you will be competing in the women's swimming events by the time I finish with you." I punch his junk just to reiterate my point and get up to saunter out of the cafeteria


	5. Freedom Fries

Score accessibility…check.

Frequent exposure for familiarity…check.

Place a muzzle on that dog Jake so he doesn't wreck my life but opening the door to use him as proof that I'm on the 'inside' and not some crazy stalker chick…check.

Passing the time waiting for the relays to start by going over the plan checklist. I'm right on track for the third day of competition. Tonight is my night off from volunteering and I have found yet another use for Jacob Black, believe you me I'm as gobsmacked – taking in the local lingo, I'm practically British now – as you are. That being said here I sit in some kickass seats beside Jacob's mom and his sisters watching the swimming finals.

We've already seen Edward come second in his freestyle heat and he's moving onto the final tomorrow night. The relays are next. I hate relays, it makes us depend on other swimmers which are way not as good supremely awesome as Edward.

"Oh sweetie, I'm just so glad you and Jake worked out your issues and you came to support him. I knew you guys would come together." Jake's mom squeezes me into a side hug. Okay delusional woman, you keep believing that and keep giving me these great seats and I will just smile and nod.

In truth I love Jake's mom. We still email and talk on the phone, but at some point she needs to come to grips with the fact that the best Jake and I will be are friends.

I put my list away as they announce the Men's four by one hundred relay race. Jake comes out from the back first followed by two other hot men in speedos and then Edward. The yum yum yummiest of all.

And they are off.

I have to admit, Jake is kinda kicking ass and gives the US team almost a full body length.

Edward is the anchor and he dives in the water. I almost relax when I realize his lead is shrinking. That little French fucker.

I narrow my eyes and hold up my hand in front of my face and try to 'push' the Frenchman back. Drats! That doesn't work; he's now neck and neck with Edward. So I change tactics. Now using my thumb and index finger I start smooshing his head. Smoosh, smoosh, smoosh!

At the line it's the French with the gold and our boys have to settle for silver. I really feel I did everything I could do. Maybe I got cocky at the beginning and by the fourth leg it was too far gone for me to save with my mental prowess.

It takes a great deal of self-control but I decide to just make my way home. I want to give Edward some space and compose himself for his races tomorrow. He doesn't need coddling at a time like this, just some tough love.

My sleep is slightly restless with dreams of being chased around the Eiffel tower by giant red beret wearing mimes in speedos. I don't have time to be tired though; the morning is filled with hair and makeup preparations before another lunch in the Athlete's village cafeteria.

Looking around I don't see Edward. After getting my food I do notice and over enthusiastic Jacob calling me over to join him once again. Surprising considering how our last meeting ended. The lunch is uneventful as we sit there sending insulting looks at one another. I munch on my freedom fries – I refuse to acknowledge anything French – and then take off to get ready for my night at the pool.

On duty in the call room again, which is the perfect setup for me to make my next move. I quickly fill the empty seat beside Edward as he watches the race before his own.

"Bella, right?" I almost can't believe my ears. In no way did I expect Edward to make the first move today.

"Yeah, Hey." I smile sweetly and seductively at the same time. I have practiced this smile for seven minutes every night for the last year. Longer than seven minutes and you look like an idiot. I allow my leg to rotate slightly outward so that it is just barely resting against his thigh. What I think is a slight smirk crosses on his face but it was too quick to be sure.

His race is called and he stands to go line up. This is my chance. I have rehearsed this numerous times and know that I have mastered it.

"Edward?" My voice just barely over a whisper as to maintain the seductiveness of the earlier smile.

"Yup?" He quickly turns to look at me.

"Do you want me to make sure your suit is tied up?" I have planned this moment to perfection. It really was the perfect line after seeing that documentary where Edward admits to forgetting to do up his suit before this very race four years ago in Beijing.

I love the shock on his face and use this moment of his hesitation to pounce.

My eyes trained on his, I delicately move my hand forward and into Edward's pants.

Yes! Into his freakin' pants.

I leave my hand in there for a second longer than is polite.

"Yup, all tied up and ready to go. Good luck!" I smirk and walk out of the room.

Edward doesn't end up winning a medal tonight, but for me the night is one of winning in epic proportions. I mean we are practically on our way to being engaged. Nothing says commitment like a hand in someone's pants.


	6. Ten Point O From the Horny Judge

**A/N: **Hit some writer's block and thought this wouldn't get out...I'm still on time according to the west coast ;)

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Breakfast with the 'rents. I am actually surprised that Phil had time for breakfast since according to my mother he's been running around like peacock with his tail cut off. Yeah, I've given up trying to correct Renee on her idioms.

Le sigh. English breakfast really is the best breakfast. I put a sausage in my mouth and momentarily get lost thinking about similar upcoming activities I will be participating in. Lost in the moment, I then realize that mom and Phil are staring at me.

"What?" I mumble.

"Darling, your mother asked you what your volunteer schedule is for today." Phil states in his slightly snooty British accent before returning his attention to his breakfast.

"Oh ya, well, about that, Phillip, step daddy of mine." He doesn't even glance up, too engrossed in his breakfast. "I was thinking, maybe my talents would be best utilized by assisting with the athlete drug testing."

He's not looking at me but I can tell he's rolling his eyes. "Oh by all means Isabella, please enlighten me." Impossibly, his accent becomes even more pretentious.

"Well I'm sure someone needs to hold the cup, and since I am familiar with the aquatics venue, it is probably best that I work there and assist in holding the container during sample collection."

Phil gets up from his chair and clears his place. "Not bloody likely Isabella."

Humph!

As he leaves the room I yell after him, "Ugh, you're wrecking my life."

My mother reaches over and pats my hand, "My sweet little Bella, it will be alright. Besides, I was already turned down when I asked for the particular job last week."

She gets ups and walks away doing a little bum wiggle as she leaves the room.

After breakfast I hang out with my mom for the entire day. She claims I abandoned her once the games started; she's such a drama queen.

We spend the day watching men in speedos, men in leotards…pretty much any occasion in the past week that a half-naked or tightly clothed male contesting a physical activity, appeared on her television.

Discarded on the floor are multiple pieces of paper with numbers and a few diagrams depicted upon them. We have our own scoring system.

I could stand to sit beside him on a bus – we aren't mean, everyone gets at least a 1

I would sit on his lap on the bus – I learn my mother is much more lenient about this and it concerns me

Kissing is fine

Oral on me not him is acceptable

I'm not kicking him out of bed

69

He can go bareback

I would make him breakfast the morning after

Butt smexin – No one is getting a 9 from me…but I am sure learning a lot about my mother

I would do him in front of Phil – actually I'm adding this to the 'plan' for me and Edward

Finally seven thirty rolls around and it's time for some tight wet men to thrust themselves from one end of a pool to the other.

Tonight is another relay but this time they want Jacob to anchor…whatever.

Holy Crap! What got into their swimsuits – and it better not be some other volunteer floozies' hands. They win by like three whole seconds which is huge.

Watching the interviews, Jacob wins his 19th medal, best ever, blah blah blah, shut up.

Edward being the incredibly gracious hunk of a man he is, waits his turn and lets Jacob word vomit all over the interview.

Shots are clearly the only way to celebrate the epic win of my man's ninth Olympic medal. Somewhere around re-enacting the race in the bathtub I lose memory of the rest of the night.


	7. Sexy Short Cuts

Blech. Death becomes me.

Fuckin' tequila. Fuckin' Renee.

I wake up curled in a ball in the cat's bed. Huh, it's pretty damn comfortable if I do say so myself. Lil'Eddie is living it up here at my mom's. I decided before the games started that it would be better for Lil'E to stay here with my mom and he agrees.

Eddie the cat is like human Edward in so many ways. He has scruffy wild orange fur, his own American flag grill – although if the scar on the inside of my left wrist is any indication, it's not his favourite thing to wear, and he swims. That's right, my bad ass cat swims. Not like actual strokes but if you fill up a bathtub he's always the first 'person' in and just walks around until you drain the tub. He knows he's awesome, I mean he has over 2000 followers on twitter. Sometimes I get him toys filled with catnip, call them Jacob, and watch him tear them to shreds.

Crawling to the kitchen I locate a bottle of aspirin and eat those suckers like candy, washing them down with some sort of purple liquid I find in the fridge.

What time is it? Sugarbeans and Gravy…it's six pm. I have less than no time to get ready and make it to the swim venue, dress in my ugly purple dress and hand out some medals. Unfortunately none of the medals are going to Edward as he only has semifinals tonight.

Traffic is horrendous, and the yeti of a security guard I run into is way worse. Of course bitch pulls me over for a pat down and forces me to empty every pocket of my back pack.

Really? It's necessary to take out and inspect every item? Condom, condom, whip cream, ugly purple dress, condom, ugly purple shoes, lube, condom, swim cap, goggles, condom, condom, condom. You never know when Edward might need some very well deserved stress relief, and I have a certain pool fantasy that would do just the trick.

After dealing with Sasquatch I'm super uber duper late. I decide to run. Something interesting that I have found out is that there is more than one way to get to the volunteer room at the aquatics center. Sure you can walk down the main entrance hall turn left walk down that hall, turn right walk down that hall, blah, blah, blah.

Or…you can do what I'm about to and take the short cut. My fellow purple people eater I hate her cause she tried to touch Edward medal giver outer volunteer told me this is not a short cut but she is clearly an idiot. She practically popped a blood vessel when I told her about it and was all "you are gonna get in so much trouble, you are not allowed to just walk through the men's change room whenever you want, they are naked in there." Uh yeah…and that's the major bonus of the short cut…hello? Idiot.

I realize there are more idiots in the world than normal people like me so I carefully glance around before I enter the back door to the men's change room. Tell me if I'm wrong here, if this wasn't an approved short cut wouldn't the door be locked. They spend like a gabillion dollars on security so I'm sure I am sure this is an approved route.

Now that I am taking a short cut, saving time and all, there is no reason to rush my time in the dressing room. I peruse around the back lockers for a few minutes. Make my way to the little nook with the great view of the showers. I hang out here for a bit and wait for some of the guys in the front lockers to make their way back here. I don't want to make them uncomfortable so I let them take their place under the steady streams of water before setting out to the front exit.

That is when I see something that blinds my eyes. Jacob. Naked. I squeeze my eyes tighter than they have ever been.

Ouch!

That locker came out of nowhere. Crap! I've drawn attention to myself. Jake, in all his shameless glory comes over right in front of me.

"Izzy," he chuckles. "Are you fucking kidding me? This is beyond even you."

I send a snotty look his way and am about to put him in his place with a line about how his affinity for winning Olympic medals is clearly stemming from an overcompensation syndrome, when the god of all gods enters my eyeline. Naked.

Naked Edward Cullen is right in front of me. And let me tell you he is not suffering from any sort overcompensation complex. The sight is so grand I don't even remember how I talked myself out of that one or who won any medals that night.

No dreams that night of scary mimes, no, just happy large sausage filled dreams.

* * *

**A/N: **So many reviews have mentioned that Bella is crazy and insane…which slightly surprised me because I guess I don't see her as that offside…I do however have a cat named Kristen Stewart so…. ;)


	8. Bus Bitch

**A/N: **So no update yesterday :( I spend the day in Toronto traffic driving to my cottage that doesn't have running hot water let alone Internet so all writing and posting is now being done on the iPhone which takes a bit of getting used to. Ha, and you thought autocorrect was annoying when you text...try this! I therefore apologize if there are more mistakes than usual.

Duckynoel pre-read.

Also, in real life, indoorswimming ended today...hmmm what is Edward gonna do with all that spare time?

* * *

I have a problem.

Fantasies about what Edward would look like naked started the moment I decided that boys didn't have cooties anymore.

Well obviously my fantasies fall short because not one of them came close to the perfection that is Edward Cullen's cock.

Since last night my time has been spent doing Kegal exercises and stretches for my oral maxillary muscles. I will not have lock jaw.

All morning I have been thinking up what I will name Edward's man business. I can't simply call it Lil'Edward because that brings up images of my cat and makes me feel all smarmy. Plus I'm sure that using the word lil to describe a jock cock will not go over well with Big Edward.

Something English themed would be the most appropro since this is where we will culminate our love. Hmmm, let's go over all the suitable British words I know: cockney (gigglesnort), bollocks, Mr. Bean, bugger, full monty...

Maybe something with a royal twist...simply his royal highness or prince Eddie. I mull these options over in my head and make a pros/cons list. In the end I decide to combine both trains of thought and propose the not-so-mini Edward be named Sir Banger. This shows his importance and his function at the same time.

Last night, even with my mind hazed with images of Edward a la nude, I determined it was time. As many Olympians say, go big or go home.

Tonight will be the last night of competition for Edward. Tonight I will make my most strategic move and through a series of events will find myself in Edward Cullen's bed.

Rosalie finally caves and agrees to cover my volunteer shifts for the morning. It wasn't anything exciting, just measuring the distance for the shot put practice.

She freaked out at first stating how dangerous it is to have balls flying at her head. Yeah, for real, that's what she said. I text her a picture of the British gold medal favourite Emmett McCarty. Then she goes on and on about other activities involving 's other balls. I can't wait to hear what happens there. Rosalie and I are best friends but we are very different. She is sooooooo agressive.

With the glorious event that occurred less than 12 hrs ago, I got muddled and ending up missing my stop on the bus. I didn't realize this until I was practically at Phil and Renee's so I just spent the night there again.

I hate taking public buses because they are filled with moronic tourists, but none of the accredited transportation makes it out here.

Flashing my security pass to the bus driver allows me to ride for free. Now it becomes a crap shoot as to picking the best place to sit. Tensions can run high when you stick a bunch of people from different countries in an enclosed space while a world wide sporting event to contested. A few days ago I saw two eighty year olds hitting eachother with their purses. I think someone was just off their meds, but rumour has it that it was the race walking results that got them all heated up.

I try to avoid all French people for obvious reasons, so basically anyone who looks like a snooty I will steal that race from you when I don't deserve it bitch. Also, the Austrailians have been swimming a little too close for comfort, especially that Ali skank, so anyone who looks friendly and drunk is also out as a potential bus mate. I spot two girls at the back wearing tshirts with maple leafs on them. Perfect. They will be polite and friendly, just what I need.

The third seat beside them is empty so I motion a hand gesture toward it, silently asking if I can sit there. In true passive fashion they slide over and let me have the aisle seat.

I'm about to put my headphones in to psych myself up with some Lil'Wayne for the upcoming mission when I hear the most vile words come out of one of the Canadians mouths

"Oh Jacob Black, he iz just ze most talentented swimmer in ze whole world." This is punctuated with a sigh and a hand resting over her heart.

Fuck, of course, they are practically French so I suppose that accounts for the naive idiocy.

Do I let it go? Do I let it go? Do I let it go? Do I let it go?

An internal war wages within me as I fight with the side of me who defends my man at all times at all costs.

"You are so right, he iz so much better zen that stopeed teammate of heez. Cullen ez so inferior, both in ze pool and in ze looks department."

That's it!

I whip my full body around so that I'm facing them head on. "Listen up you Canuck Fucks, Jacob Black is far from the best anything ever! In fact he should hold speaking engagements where he talks about how to deal with disappointment and failure when you lose at the Olympics!"

Why do they have alarmed looks on their faces? If you walk around shouting inflammatory and offensive statements in a foreign country you can't expect it to go unmentioned.

The smaller one sends a rebuttal my way. "Um he wins all ze time, he has sixteen gold medals." She has the nerve to look at me like I'm the idiot douchebag.

"Ugh. And two silver and two bronze. Loss loss loss loss!" I end up saying in an appropriate for this unjust situation loud voice.

Not caring what stop we are at, I grab my bag and stomp off the bus making sure to stick out my tongue at two psuedo French bitches, then yell "There's no ice hockey here, go home to your igloo, eat some poutine with maple syrup and listen to Nickleback!" What are the even doing here at the summer games? Ridiculous!

After stomping around in a circle for a few minutes, I realize I'm only early by one stop and walk the three blocks to my apartment.

Quickly I grab the top secret 'get into Edward Cullen's bed' kit that I have been carefully preparing for weeks and make my way across the street to the front of the athlete's village.

Well, here goes nothing.

* * *

*** The part where Bella says "loss loss loss loss" comes from a promo for Matthew Perry's new show where he says it to gymnast Shawn Johnson, it's hilarious and reminded me of something Bella would say.


	9. Mission Begun

Okay Bella Swan, this is your moment. You've trained your whole life, really more like intermittently over the last year but same difference. I start repeating the words of the Powerade commercial I've been subjected to several hundred times a day, in my head like a mantra for motivation.

_Here's the reality of it, you don't want to be walking off with any regrets_.

There will be no regrets on my end... I plan on 'losing' everything.

_You're on the line between breaking point and breaking through._

So true! I am at my breaking point of the sexual tension between me and Edward.

_In struggle you'll find strength._

Well after dealing with Jacob I must be the strongest person at these Games.

_Now get over that line, dig for that extra inch. Take the best you can do and do better._

Yeah! I hit myself in the chest a few times like that crazy swimmer does to pump myself up that little bit more. Ouch, that fucking hurts.

_Every second is a moment in time but this is a moment in history._

One last deep breath and I walk up to security like I belong there and am up to absolutely no funny business at all.

I pass through the metal detectors and secretly pray; please dont go through my bag, please dont go through my bag, please dont go through my bag.

They don't! I'm already totally winning.

In reality, that was the easiest part. I'm allowed to be in the athlete's village, hence that romantic lunch I shared with Edward...and the rest of the US swimming team, whatevs.

Ten seventeen am, I check my printed out schedule to make sure my pep talk didn't put me behind schedule. The boys are all at their heats and semi finals this morning so I know the suite will be empty.

Sustenance on a mission is always a key ingredient, so a quick stop in the cafeteria is a must.

My eyes almost bug out of my head when I reach the candy display. There are hundreds of bags of jelly beans all separated into various colour combinations with tags representing every possible country.

Clearly I've not only inspired a nation but the entire world. I wonder how many gold medals my ingenius motivation skills are responsible for? With a bag of red, white and blue beans in my hand, I inconspicuously hide all other colour combinations behind the American ones hopefully forcing everyone to eat our beans. Take that!

Non-chalantly I make my way across the compound to where the US dorms are located. I can't help the grin that spreads across my face, infact I force myself to suppress a squeal of glee.

Just as planned, Jasper, the most bestest security guard in the whole wide world...or at least at the Olympics is standing there guarding the entrance.  
Rosie and I have been working on this relationship for almost two months now. It started when security guards began getting contracts, contracts that Rosie's dad was in charge of.

We met Jasper and instantly became friends. He's super sweet and actually a distant forth cousin or something of Rosie's from the Austrailian Outback. Getting to know Jasper and hanging out with him has allowed me to get inside his head and analyze his weaknesses. His number one weakness is Austrailian swimmer Ali Brandon. Yes, that Ali, the super skanky keep your hands off my man or you will be competing minus a limb or two Ali.

That is Jasper's remuneration for getting me into the dorms, a date with Ali. Win win for me obviously. Rose is working on that end of the deal as I try to refuse to admit the existence of the swimming tramp.

We went over the plan last night in detail. We act like its routine and nobody is the wiser. I am decked out in my US Olympic gear. The stuff only the athletes are issued, which was booty gathered from three separate super secret missions into various athlete dressing rooms across three different venues. I'm sure it's not even missed.

I really am so impressed this is going so well. Jasper flags me in with a wink and a butt tap, which we will be having words about later as it was definitely not part of the plan. He also slips a key in my jacket pocket, one that has the magic power of unlocking every door in this building.

Up four floors and down two hallways and I will be at my final destination. I had to have a thirty five minute texting exchange with Jacob to covertly get that information out of him. Jacob is one of Edward's suite mates.

When I'm about to round the final corner, I hear and feel something slam into the wall beside me. It came from inside the corner room. Not knowing what it was and being extremely focused, it scares the bejesus out of me and I hit the floor.

Listening carefully I begin to realize what is going on, or more acurrately who is getting it on. I try to muffle my giggles that are partly a nervous reaction and partly because someone is really really getting it on, infact I think I hear Marvin Gaye in the background.

Really, I shouldn't be so surprised. Every day more and more athletes finish their competitions and have to release all their pent up anxiety, energy, emotions etc. Did you know there are even athlete that abstain from sexual activity for days, weeks and even months before a games? I secretly weaned it out of Jake and yes, according to him, Edward hasn't done the deed in months...months! It will make me just that much more irresistible.

Finally outside the suite, I kiss the key before place it in the keyhole and turn it to unlock the gateway to the promised land.


	10. Impromptu Striptease

**A/N: **no pre-reader for this one so please excuse of there are more mistakes than usual

* * *

The door swings open and I allow myself a few moments to just bask in the glory that is my plan. I am truly a genius.

Checking my phone, I actually have some wiggle room when it comes to time. The living area of the suite is surprisingly quite tidy for five guys living here.

From earlier reconnaissance missions I know that Edward's room is the one on the far left which he shares with Tyler Crowly, a fellow swimmer.

Sometimes I like to delay gratification, so for some foreplay I decide to check out Jacob's room first. Crap, I forgot to re-lock the door. Quickly I tip-toe back to the door, because that is what you do when breaking and entering, and lock it.

Back to Jacob's room, his door is closed but not locked. Gross. These rooms are so small; truly it's like an upscale prison cell. By upscale, I mean the mattress doesn't look dilapidated or anything. This is boring; no wonder we didn't work out. Well, onto better bedrooms, I'll just...what the fuck?

On the cheap pine Ikea-like table beside Jacob's bed is a framed picture. Actually, it's a split frame with two pictures. The first picture is one of Jacob and me taken about a year and a half ago with me sitting on his lap, arms wrapped around eachother. Looking at it now I can see it gives off the vibe of best friends and not a romantic embrace. The photograph beside it is one where I'm about 5 years old and Jake is sitting beside me on the edge of a dock while we both fish. It's really quite sweet.

Okay, enough of this nostalgia crap, I question why the hell he has this and even more, why is it in plain view where Edward could see it and get the complete wrong idea. Jacob is such a little puke; I'm totally junk punching him again. Huffing, I grab the photo, what to do with this? I can't bring myself to throw it out or even take it, so I settle for shoving it under his mattress. I will text him before he moves out of the village to let him know where it is, or even tell him sooner after Edward and I do the deed. No need to hide anything at that point.

Shutting Jacob's door, I begin to creep over to Edward's room when the door handle to the suite begins to rattle. All I can think is do I hide under the sink or see if I can jump out the window? The pros and cons are quickly listed in my head; death by splatting on the pavement in the Olympic village would be in opposition to the ultimate goal of losing my virginity with Edward Cullen so I eye the sink as my hiding spot. Then there is a pounding at the door. My mind is whirling but I'm lucid enough to realize if you lived here you would have a key and pounding the door wouldn't be necessary. The pounding eventually stops and I let out a maniacal laugh at my unnecessary antics.

Even so, I quickly make my way into Edward's room and shut the door behind me. Turning around for what is the second best moment in my life, hello hand in pants is the bestest, I take in the room where Edward has spent many a hours. Now to figure out which bed is his? Choice A is the right side with posters of Justin Beiber and One Direction. I'm thinking it is the less likely of the two as Choice B on the left side has some magazines with Lil' Wayne and Jay Z on the covers piled beside the bed. At this point however I don't want to make any assumptions. He is a pretty white boy and maybe is a closeted boy band fiend.

Where to look, where to look? I'll start with the bottom drawer of the night stand. That's where guys keep all their magic goodies right?

Score! Condoms galore. Not 150,000 but he's making a good start on using up the village's supplies. Unfortunately this just tells me bed B's patron is well prepared for some post-Games action. Let's see what is in the top drawer. Bingo, a diamond American flag grill. Bed B is the winner of having Edward Cullen's hot tight body lying in it every night.

I set my bag down on the night stand and shuffle through the contents. Taking out the most important item, I have to hug myself again with the meticulous detail in which the plan was constructed. In my hands is a pair of super sexy undies. Hot pink lace boy shorts with the words 'It's not gonna spank itself' written in cursive black writing across the cheeks. I bought them online and they arrived yesterday just in time.

The plan is just to leave the underwear in his bed where he could easily find them and they will bring him luck and turn him on at the same time. It's weird though just leaving behind new underwear on a guy's bed right? Yeah, it is.

Off with the pants. Again, it feels weird standing here pant-less, so everything else comes off as well. I put the pink underwear on.

Vibrating, my whole body is vibrating with mixed emotion of what to do next. My mind is running a mile a minute and worse case scenarios start filtering through. What if something happens and the plan gets derailed? What if I'm never naked in Edward Cullen's bed? That is just unacceptable. I slip between Edward's cool sheets and splay my hair across his pillow. All the different positions I will soon find myself in this bed with Edward stream through my head. I can't stay here forever though and I will be back shortly so I do one more shimmy under the covers and then get out of the bed and re-make it.

Alright, where to put them, where to put them? I think under the pillow could be best or maybe only half under with the other half peeking out the side so Edward is sure to see them.

Wait, was that...holy freakin' puddle of mud! Those are definitely footsteps and they are definitely coming this way. I panic and start making sure I haven't noticeably disturbed anything. Grabbing everything I brought with me including my discarded clothing which in my hasty impromptu striptease I apparently threw to various corners of the room, I dive under the bed.

Next thing I know my eyes are level with a pair of very large feet.

Paste your document here...


	11. Mission Accomplished

Focus on breathing and not hyperventilating...or at least not hyperventilating loud enough for Mr. Shoes to hear me. At this point, that is all I can do. If he finds me under the bed, he finds me under the bed. I knew this was a possibility, getting caught; I just wasn't prepared to get caught naked.

I can't even tell who it is as the mystery man is wearing their neon green podium shoes and looks to have the same size feet as Edward, but who knows.

"Dude, come on, hurry up!" I hear Jacob yell in the other room. I am mentally willing this guy to just answer Jacob so at least I can start a game plan on how to get my ass out of this. Think, think, think. Ah ha! Cleaning service, I will simply claim that as a bonus to winning a gold medal you also get your room cleaned, and erm, more than one medal and you get your room cleaned naked? It's better than nothing so I start practicing my British accent in a hushed whisper.

Suddenly, the feet are gone and the door slams shut. All the tension in my body releases as I hear the suite door close. I lay panting on the floor for a few moments in relief before shoving all my crap out from under the bed. Quickly I put all my clothes on and heave everything else I brought with me in my backpack. Making sure I have the key to give back to Jasper, I make my way to the door.

Yikes! Almost forgetting about the magic undies, I dump my bag out on Edward's bed. Carefully searching through the items there is no hint of the underwear. I check under his pillow, nothing; under the sheets, nothing. Did I throw them somewhere in my panic to duck and cover? They are nowhere to be seen, which means whoever that was in here has taken them or they are lost in here somewhere. Whichever it is, I don't have time to figure it out. I practically sprint out of the suite, throw in a somersault when rounding the corner just to make it a little more secret agent and then make my way back to Jasper to slyly return the key.

Tonight, is most likely Edward's last night competing at the 2012 Olympic Games. This is going to be the night when I really put myself out there and land the ever so popular Edward Cullen. No volunteering for me tonight, I will be sitting with Jacob's family again.

We take our seats in the aquatic center right after family dinner. It was a full family dinner, including Jacob's dad Billy who dragged my dad along with him all the way from Washington. It was a little weird sitting there with Mom, Phil, and Charlie but they got along great and both Charlie and Billy are staying at Phil and Renee's house.

As we get all settled in I realize just how great our seats tonight are. Sitting directly to my right are Carlisle and Esme Cullen, my future in-laws. I introduce myself to Edward's mom and she hugs me in response, which is unexpected but nice. She then introduces Edward's dad and we talk a bit about swimming and all other exciting Olympic things.

Finally it's time for Edward's first race, the 200m backstroke. He should be golden...but he's not, he really struggles and hangs on for the bronze medal. He doesn't even look up in the stands, just jumps in the dive pool and starts his cool down/warm up. I saw a pre-event lead in on the television this afternoon where the commentators said that what Edward is attempting tonight (the two finals about 30 minutes apart) is one of the hardest doubles to do.

Thirty-one minutes and forty-seven seconds later Edward is back on the blocks ready to start the 200 individual medley. This time Jacob is also in the pool and if Jacob wins it, it will be the first time in history a male swimmer wins three consecutive gold medals in the same event. It's sort of hard to sit here with Team Jacob on my left and Team Edward on my right so I just settle for yelling "Go, go, go!"

It's close but in the end history and the dates line up and Jacob takes the race by six tenths of a second. Edward looks slightly disappointed but also relieved. He is hurried by media only stopping for a few short interviews and then to the back to change for the medal ceremony.

After he gets his bronze medal, he stops right in front of us to toss his flowers to his mom. I try to refrain myself from being jealous but it's really really hard. Looking away from the flowers and back at Edward, I swear I see him wink at me but that could also have been directed at his mom.

Cheering on Jacob in his race is actually fun, it's just a semi-final but our whole section is behind him. We still need to talk about the photos but hanging out with his family makes me remember how much I miss them and him, as strictly a friend of course.

The last medal ceremony is underway with Jacob and Edward goofing off before they step on the podium. Since there are no more events this evening they take their time walking around the pool in a sort of victory lap. This time allows me to slowly eye fuck my man...I start with his face and work my way down. His beautiful chest, his stomach where I know under the jacket is an amazing pack of abs,and right down to the magical area of his...holy fuck. Edward has his hand near his pocket holding up his jacket and just barely sticking out of his pocket is pink lace.

I am stunned stupid.

Yes, this was the ultimate outcome of my mission but I guess I always had doubt in the back of my mind.

Jesus, that smirk will be the death of me. He's right in front of us again and figeting with the bit of lace that is exposed from his pocket. The flowers he tosses me actually hit me in the face because I am so focused in his pocket.

Then he is gone, off to the media area. I shake my head and force myself out of the stupor. Glancing at Esme, she shines a knowing glance my way. That's weird. Everyone got up an began to exit the grand stands but I just couldnt get my body to move. I sat there grinning like a fool.

A hand rests on my shoulder and I jolt back to reality. Tyler Crowly sits down beside me and gestures to my newly acquired flowers. "So I guess Eddie fessed up eh?"

My brows furrow in confusion.

"You know, his crush on you and how he's been after Jake since nationals to get him the hook up with you? I told him to just tell you but he was all about having a plan and a series of events lead up to some big culmination..." His words become slower, more spread out and very hesitant. "Please tell me you knew and I didn't just wreck his whole plan." His face is turning a peculiar shade of red.

I don't have time to reassure Tyler, not with this new information. I trip over myself to get across the barrier, falling face first into a security guard. The guard starts babbling something and placing his hands in inappropriate places in some failed attempt at a pat down. Thrusting my credentials in his face I take off to the dressing room hallway.

Arms and legs flailing in an epic display of why I am not and Olympic athlete, I rush down the hallway and then stop short when I fly past someone standing to the side. When I turn around I am face to face with the most gorgeous man I've ever seen. He's twirling his medals around his wrist and a full blown smile on his face. It's slightly disarming having this new knowledge about Edward that I think could change everything but not knowing if it's one hundred percent true.

Time for a leap of faith...so I leap and literally jump my man.


End file.
